To the surface

For a while now I have felt this need to be a bit more open, share a few more thoughts, be a bit more personal. I think I've been holding back because I don't really know who reads my blog and I think I need to find the balance between sharing enough and sharing too much. I don't have any big issues I need to get off my chest, so that is not the reason I'm writing this. But I don't feel like I leave enough of me in the blog most of the time, and don't misunderstand me here - everything I post is one hundred percent genuinely me. I just feel the need to add a bit more.

My photos are personal to me, and I feel they are a window to my life and they allow me to be present in a moment but not interrupt it. I guess in that sense what I share is personal and leaves a lot of me in each post. Most of my photos are of my girls, my family. I always pick up my camera for a reason. I have it nearby all the time, in case a moment happens, or I can see a moment is about to happen, or I see something that looks beautiful in a particular kind of light. There is always a reason. I want to share more of the reason why I post photos. My girls will probably read this in the future. I want them to know why I took their photos, what I was thinking when I took them. 

I don't really know who I write for, or who I want to appeal to. But I believe feelings and thoughts makes for deeper connections, and I guess I hope the people who read my blog will feel a bit of a connection. I will write for me, after all nobody has asked me to write and take photos and share anything. 

And I'll finish off with these photos. My girl with my lipgloss, holding on to it tight, feeling pretty and having fun being allowed to put on (almost) as much as she wanted. Reason for taking these? Most days I sit back and try to take in how big my biggest little girl is now. I know all parents say this, but it is not without reason. Where does time go? Every single day she learns something new. She is learning, growing, becoming her very own little person so, so quickly. I just have to take moments where I sit back and just watch the wonder that she is. Full of life, always on the go. Caring and sweet one moment and fiery and loud the next. Happy almost all the time, and she loves her little sister and kisses her forehead many times a day. She loves that we do things together, we often dance around the lounge, often animal dances while we watch the Wiggles. I have sometimes thought we must look absolutely silly from the outside when we do kangaroo jumps or tiger crawls in the lounge room in the afternoons, her daddy, her and I. But I have also thought that if I walked past someones house and the parents and kids were dancing around, belly laughing and just having fun being silly and not really caring who were watching, it would make me smile. One thing motherhood has taught me is to play again, to be goofy and not be so concerned with looking silly to other people. It is quite liberating actually. I think as an adult you easily loose the ability to really let loose and play somewhere between letting go of your teens and stepping into real adulthood. But I am ranting, and I could probably elaborate, and I probably will one day. But back to the photos for now. Miss Two loves to dress up, to look pretty and to do everything I do. If I put on my moisturiser, she too wants to have some and she will smear moisturiser into the roots of her hair, onto her clothes, it doesn't really matter where it ends up. If I put on deodorant, she wants to have deodorant (I put the lid back on and pretend to put it on her). When she saw me putting on lipgloss today she was there in a flash, demanding I put some on her, then she put some on me, then she took it and held on to it for as long as I would let her, while she put on gloss every ten seconds or so. I was sitting on the floor watching her do this and I just knew it was such a perfect way to capture her being little and big and everything that she is now. She even gave me one photo with attitude just to prove it's not all sunshine.